More often than not, I feel like a wondering entity, floating pass the world each day I see as a mere observer. I make no dents in the fabric of life as most can sense, at least not anything worthwhile to be of a fuss to anyone. The world as I see, is simply not meant to be made for me in mind, and my existence could possibly be by some accident that happens once in a while like the residual smell of a burp after a great meal. That could explain the fact why I couldn’t relate so well to people around me, that when they feel happy with something, I just couldn’t get it, and when I feel happy about something, they don’t get me either.

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Sometimes i wonder, if only I could detach myself from my thoughts, that I can sense the world like everyone else that happens to cross my path, things would be so much more simpler. I would focus my life on building a career, trying to get a stable or if God allows, a substantial income, find a partner and get married, have kids, see my family till the end of my life, and create another happy-ending story to mark my grave just like all good humans should live. How good would it be if I can just accept life as it is presented before me, and never cast a doubt on such a path I am taught to walk. The price to pay for one to do otherwise just seems to be much too painful to be worthy of consideration, that I would rather not pay should I have a choice. And when focusing on other things and ideals usually leads to another meaningless path of self-gradification that gets attached with other agendas, whether I like it or not, I could not find the strength nor focus to do anything, anymore.

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Some minutes ago, I told my close buddy that there’s nothing wrong with you working in a bank and desiring for more money and luxuries and gettting fustrated over getting enough money to marry his girlfriend, and all he had for me was this confused look on his face.

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The more I write, the more this sounds like words from a utter pessimist, and I do not deny that, but only because we can only understand words by the standards and definitions we are taught to think and relate with. And so when I say I love this world as it is, that I have no intention or even think of changing any part of this world, I usually throw people into some sense of confusion.

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If only we can remove our thoughts, things becomes so much simpler.

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I am happy for you my friend, cause I’m just simply happy to know that you have found your direction. Even if it was a direction that’s meaningless to me, doesn’t mean that it’s meaningless to anyone else. To put it bluntly, I’m just happy that you aren’t as confused as me.

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There’s no reason the world should change, in the bigger sense of things.